LET me tell you about my favourite summers. They were spent on a housing estate where Manchester meets Derbyshire. There was little that an adult might consider entertaining, but as a nine-year-old, I saw things somewhat differently.
There were trees to climb, swing from and build dens in. There were walls to balance on, steps that became a shop or a classroom, grass for handstands and streets for rollerskating on.
Why would anyone want to be inside when every day outside was an adventure? My sister and I would return home for meals, gulped down with practised efficiency. Playing outside meant we were free to be whatever we wanted.
Fast forward to now and I have four children of my own. Like most of their friends, they would spend all day playing Fortnite or Roblox, given half the chance. Given the option of figuring out what to do with their day, or opening a laptop, I’m under no illusions as to which they’d opt for.
They’re not alone. According to England’s Children’s Commissioner, Anne Longfield, many children are living what she calls a “battery-hen” existence during the holidays. Children’s inactivity is increasingly becoming a public health issue as poor fitness levels coalesce into health problems in adulthood. She’d like to see substantial investment in children’s play activities outside of school to tackle the problem. That’s one option, yes, but we can’t rely on that as parents. Our kids need to amuse themselves now, not in 10 years’ time when any of this comes to fruition. It would surely help if more parents allowed their children age-appropriate freedoms and the chance to take measured risks, too. But I think there’s a simpler solution that would make a difference now: let kids get bored.
Boredom forces you to get creative, and that’s what play is. When you don’t have all your attentional needs met passively by some external force, you have to learn to use your imagination. Children have an incredible capacity for birthing imaginary worlds, far more so than we grown-ups whose naturally playful natures have been shaved down by the realities and requirements of adult life. Inside the heads of children, there is a well of creative brilliance that will run endlessly if given a little encouragement. As parents, we can do that if we’re brave enough to hear a sluggish, “I’m boooooored” from time to time.
I’m not suggesting we ban games and devices or that we never offer suggestions on what to do – just that we set boundaries that gently guide them towards meeting their own need for entertainment. That might be as regimented as regular screen-free days or as ad hoc as turning the WiFi off on occasion. Whatever it takes in your house to prompt those dreaded two words. In our house, the latter works a treat. While they might be reluctant to go and play together at first, they always want to play out longer.
Yes, there will be grumbling because no-one likes to be bored. There will be grousing because we live in a society that fears languor and in a culture that makes it easier to consume than produce.
As parents, too, we imbibe messages that we should plan constant fun activities and fill every nook and cranny of our children’s existence with things to do. I don’t think that mindset is helpful. Learning to be bored, noticing how it feels and what you think about when that dread creeps in allows you to be comfortable with it rather than apprehensive. Sitting with boredom is an important life skill.
For young people, learning how to cope with frustration and to rely on themselves for entertainment builds character and encourages imagination. It teaches them to contribute positively to the world. Just like us, our children will have required classes to sit through at school or university that don’t capture their interests. Like us, they’ll have to attend meetings or events when they’d rather be doing something else. One day, our children will have tedious tasks to do at work and home, and will spend many hours in queues and waiting rooms. Figuring out how to keep going when they feel boredom creep in is what will see them through. You can help them do that by not helping them all the time.
Learning how to amuse yourself takes effort before the reward. In a world with endless entertainment available with a few clicks it takes a willingness to be active in your own pastimes rather than default to the easy option. As adults we often need this same reminder: our brains are more sophisticated than any computer and capable of sustaining us. No-one taught us how to play – we had to figure it out by ourselves. Our children can find that same unconnected pleasure in play if we let them.
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