GOLD, 9.30pm

GRIFF Rhys Jones, Una Stubbs, Johnny Vegas, Nigel Havers … there are so many big names in this feature-length comedy drama that I was sure it was a wind-up. What are they all doing tucked away on the Gold channel?

Vegas plays a cheeky coach driver who’s taking some old dears on a literary tour.

He moans that this type of passenger tends to be the worst. They terrorised Joanna Lumley to the point she hid in a toilet and he resorted to “slippin’ her Garibaldis through the air vent”.

Rhys Jones is the flamboyant author who is hosting the tour of his trashy books’ literary locations, culminating in a visit to the Blackpool Tower Ballroom – but will the passengers all make it there alive?

One by one, they are being “bumped off” by a maniac, and when the depleted gang arrives in sunny Blackpool to the fragrant smell of chips, the police are on their tail.

It’s all very silly and enjoyable, and playing name-that-star is only half the fun.

STV, 9.40pm

I DON’T usually bother watching this – or any other British late-night chat shows (American ones are a whole different kettle of fish!) – as they’re often little more than adverts for a new film or album. Some celeb will have something to flog, so they’ll sit on the sofa with a fixed grin and do their duty to the frantic armies of publicists.

But tonight there’s an exception. Yes, the person in question does have a new product to sell but, nonetheless, she’s enigmatic, and a tiny bit scary, and so I’ll be tuning in to watch.

It’s Grace Jones, singer, actress and model, but also someone who once clubbed her interviewer on TV. Will she have mellowed with age, or is Jonathan Ross going to have to be on alert? She’s joined on the sofa by the annoying wee sweetie-pie Nadiya Hussain from Bake Off, but who cares? All eyes will be on Grace Jones.