PLANET HOGMANAY, BBC1, 9.20pm
Narrated by Jack Docherty, this lovely one-off programme gathers various Scottish comedians and asks them to reminisce about our Hogmanay traditions.
“Ye cannae see in the New Year with a messy hoose,” my Gran always says, insisting that if you start the New Year in a mess then you’ll remain so. That’s the tradition this programme opens with: the need to have the place spick and span to greet the New Year, and we’re mocked for boasting about our Hogmanay housewifery. “Whit, ye’ve hoovered?”, says Des Clarke. “That’s something you should be doing regularly!” Nonetheless, we boast about the dusting because it makes us feel part of the celebration.
“Officer Karen” from Scot Squad talks of opening the door to let the old year out – something which is rarely welcome as it also means letting the cold in, whilst Jane McCarry recalls wandering the streets and looking up at tenement windows to see where the loudest noise and brightest lights were coming from – then you’d simply walk up and gatecrash. “There were nae buzzers in those days” so it was easy.
All these Scottish traditions are compared with others from around the globe, but the verdict is that ours are the best.
ALAN CARR’S NEW YEAR SPECTACULAR, C4, 9pm
Channel 4 is the place to hide out if you want to avoid the excesses of Hogmanay TV. The big moment at midnight is covered by a repeat of 8 Out Of 10 Cats, followed by yet another repeat in The Big Fat Quiz
Of The Year. There will be no live cooing, whooping and cheering at the Bells, and some people will surely welcome that.
But before Channel 4 sees in the New Year with repeats we have Alan Carr’s New Year Spectacular where he’ll present a noisy show filled with music, games, sketches and various celebrity guests who’ll be roped in to joining his fun.
The poor souls who’ve been signed up are David Guetta, Danny Dyer, Mel B, Greg Davies and Kelly Brook, all of whom are stretching the word “celebrity” to breaking point. If Carr gets bored with this lot then he’ll charge into the audience and get random people from the crowd involved. This riotous cacophony might actually make Jackie Bird over on the BBC sound appealing.
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