THE 2016 Scottish Parliament election was a bit of a breakthrough for me. No, I wasn’t standing. But I realised, when I couldn’t take my eyes off the MSPs swearing in ceremony, that there was a bit of catharsis going on. And for the first time since being unceremoniously booted out by the electorate in 2007, I could look the Parliament straight in the face rather than peering through my fingers.

I could sense the optimism – and the nervousness – of the new MSPs. I confess, I couldn’t take my eyes off the outfits. There were some fabulous creations on show: Angela Constance stood out in a dress that wouldn’t have been out of place on the set of Outlander.

It wasn’t quite so Oscars-like in 2003. I wore a suit I’d worn to the count the week before and a top from the Debenhams spring sale. My pal Rosie wore her jeans and a favourite blouse that had stood her in good stead for Saturday nights on the razzle. She got pelters. The BBC interviewed an image consultant, Nicola Lochead, who declared Rosie’s outfit showed a “lack of respect” and that it “was more appropriate for a weekend stroll down the high street”.

The pressure to conform was immense. But we were adamant that we were there as principled “ordinary women” – and, as republicans, we noisily protested taking the oath to the Queen. My mum, an enthusiastic royalist, didn’t let it dent her pride in me. It’s not easy being the people that make everybody else shift in their seats. But you can’t claim to want to change the world and go about with your head bowed trying to fit into it as it is. The women SSP MSPs were judged for “wearing clothes straight out of a sixth-year disco”, while our convenor, Tommy Sheridan, was respected for fitting in with his “sharp suits”. By November 2014, however, it had become clear that those “sharp suits” were like shiny wrapping on the empty gift boxes in shop window displays. Our convenor had been to a sex club and wanted to sue the News of the World for telling the truth – and he demanded that we back him in that lie. We forced him to resign as convenor instead. But he then pursued his lie all the way to the Court of Session, and hoodwinked a jury into awarding him £200,000.

We were a party committed to socialism, to equality, to the collective good of all of society instead of individualistic greed. Yet the optimism, dynamism, and hope that we burst into parliament with, was punctured by the callous self-interest of one man. Our own man.

Our years of hell are documented in great detail in other places. At the 2007 election, a bewildered electorate turned away from the SSP. We were traumatised and battle weary. My mum had died just two months before the election and my pal Rosie’s mum and dad had died within a month of each other the year before. It’s fair to say that it was hard to see the good side of our four years in Parliament – and I was glad to see the back of it.

Tommy got his comeuppance and was convicted of perjury in December, 2010. He maintains he is the victim of a miscarriage of justice and that he was the victim of a fantastical plot. He has never apologised for the pain he has caused to hundreds of people.

I’ve avoided writing about Tommy. I’m sure people are fed up of it anyway. But the most painful realisation of the whole affair wasn’t about what Tommy had done – it was what it revealed about who he really was. A fake. A ruthlessly selfish, ego-driven man. For socialists, that sort of disappointment rocks your core.

Politics is a magnet for people with huge egos. The majority of politicians, those who are not Tories anyway, genuinely care about people and want to do the best possible job they can. But they can be chewed up and spat out by those who resolutely have their eyes on the prize of their own advancement and interest.

I realised, as I was watching the swearing in ceremony, that the knot of anxiety in my stomach wasn’t about my experience. I was feeling nervous for all the people I respect who will be in that Parliament for five years. Who knows what those five years will bring. There will be challenges and pressures, conflicts and crises. It’ll be interesting to see whether the wind will blow left or right. Will the SNP rely on the Tories to get their council tax plans through – or will they go for something more radical with the Greens?

I wish the new MSPs well and I hope that their optimism is sustained throughout their term.

It feels good to be an observer of the Parliament. I want to thank all the MSPs, dressed in their finery last Thursday, for unwittingly playing a role in my catharsis.

I’ve realised I’ve let go of all my feelings of anger and disappointment towards Tommy.

It’s not quite forgiveness.

But, it’s dawned on me that, if Tommy was on fire, I would actually run for a bucket of water.