WITH all these resignations in politics, sport and the media, is England becoming a nation of quitters? Alan, Inverness

Well, Al – it’s certainly not becoming a nation of winners. The list of those we have lost to resignations is pretty dreadful, but the list of those seeking to replace them is even worse. With the likes of Theresa May being lined up as Tory party leader, this could be a classic case of out of the frying pan and into the fire for politics. Frankly, I even feel uncomfortable using axioms like “party leader”.

After all, it’s pretty evident that good headship and Brexit do not go together. In fact, British leadership is now seemingly defined by making a ton of overblown promises and running like hell the second you can’t deliver them.

Take, for instance, the comical farce that is the Conservative Party steeplechase. I would call it a leadership contest, but I’ve always considered “Tory leadership” to be a contradiction in terms. Tories may be authorities, but they are not leaders. A quick glance at the candidates for prime minister is evidence enough of that.

Firstly, we have Michael Gove, who looks like the consequence of a liaison between Rick Moranis and Pob, only with none of the former’s likeability and zero of the latter’s cheerfulness. Gove has arguably been the most aggressive of the candidates, having eliminated Boris Johnson from the running with Frank Underwood taciturnity. More worringly, he’s managed to blend this guile with a borderline schizophrenic insistence that being prime minister is the “last thing he wants”. Undoubtedly, The Gover’s capacity for irrationality has been best demonstrated by his bizarre claim that there is “no appetite for a second Scottish independence referendum”. Such a ludicrous statement makes one wonder just what planet this rejected Thunderbird is on – or rather from.

Gove clearly doesn’t have his finger on the pulse; might this be due to his inner alien anatomy not being used to digits or heartbeats? As far as I’m concerned, Gove’s backers are not endeavouring to elect him. They’re attempting to enthrone the tiny aliens operating his human suit.

The other viable – if you can call them that – contenders are May and Andrew Leadsom. At first I was rather put off by the assumption that both these women represented the “Zombie Thatcher” scenario we have dreaded for years, simply because they are both women. Isn’t that sexist? Thankfully, Andrea confirmed that I was dead wrong for being so unbiased by openly declaring that she could be “the new Margaret Thatcher” herself.

This unwelcome declaration was a blunt confession to the world that Leadsom has no new ideas and merely enjoys emulating terrible human beings. I mean, somebody with no originality, a propensity for idol worship and evident susceptibility to evil? I’ll pass.

Lamentably, this leaves us with the privacy-invading, nuke-loving and immigrant-fearing May, who is perhaps the best advert for Scottish independence I’ve ever seen. There is certainly cause for concern when a woman who looks like she spends her weekends turning Dalmatian puppies into fur coats is running for prime minister. In fact, with votes suggesting that May is now clear favourite to be Tory leader, it might be time to consider having Scotland physically removed from England. Al, I’ll see you at the border with a drill tomorrow morning.

JUST how guilty is Tony Blair, Angry? Angus, Edinburgh

Brilliant question. To paraphrase the great, late Lionel Hutz: “Tony Blair isn’t just guilty – he’s also innocent of not being guilty.”

And instead of admitting his guilt and apologising to those he has harmed, killed and left bereaved, like a normal person, Blair has done all in his power to deflect blame and use politics as a shield from justice. When you think about it, this is almost as bad as the atrocities themselves.

Not content with hiding behind politics and business, Blair has also seen fit to utilise his Christian faith as a form of insurance against prosecution. With flagrant disregard for the teachings of Jesus, Blair uses his Christian identity in a shameful bid to depict himself as wholesome and loving. But the reality is much different.

Baudelaire once wrote that “the finest trick of the devil is to persuade you that he does not exist”. In this case, the devil has taken the form of born-again Christian Blair. It is blindingly apparent that Blair is a Christian in the same way that One Direction are a legitimate music group. One would have to imagine that Jesus, faced with the bloodstained hand of Blair at St Peter’s gate, would sooner lift his middle finger than shake the outstretched hand.

For several years I have wondered if Tony has a real life version of that Grand Theft Auto cheat that reduces your wanted level in the eyes of the law. The leaked communications between Tony Blair’s office and Colin Powell’s alone show that the man was on the warpath from early 2002, long before the dodgy Iraq dossier had even been produced. Yet, somehow, Blair has lived a life of luxury on the back of the deaths of thousands since and gotten away with it. He had a hand in the formation of numerous extremist groups around the world, but seems to think that he is the solution and not the cause.

I’ve used the analogy before – but the closest fictional approximation to Blair I can think of is The Joker. He is a man seemingly beyond imprisonment and above justice. I hope the Chilcot Report will change this, but why would Tony break the habit of a lifetime? Frankly, it might be time for the public to produce their own Blair reports, after all, I’m certain we could produce a more thorough and damning indictment of Tony Blair in one week than Lord Chilcot managed in seven years.

Got a question for Angry? Send them in to letters@thenational.scot and he’ll sort out your problems