Last week ah taen ye’se aa pairt o the wey oan oor raicent jaunt roond the North Coast 500 route. We hud settled doun fir the nicht at The Station Hotel, Thurso. A braw bield fir the weary traiveller! The staff an owners wir rael friendly fowk an the food wis excellent! We hud a daunder roun Thurso toun centre in the evenin an foun a guid saicent-haund buik shoap wha’s owner seem’t tae be openin his shoap whilst aa the ithers wir shuttin theirs. The shoap, Tall Tales, is pairt o a an auld building that is cuivert in braw couthie saws an sayins frae the Northeast; “Fill as a Partan”, “Thirsa lassagies brosy, bonnie”, “Deeks up abeen ye”, “Id’s a foosum day”, “Scorries cownin for a pucklie rain”, “Gie’s a sail in yer hurlie”. Guid tae see the Scots leid bein gien sic a prominent showin in a public space. We hud a guid blether wi the buik shoap owner, Stan Morrison, an bocht twa/three items frae him; a daicent man, weel-read (gin ye pardon the pun!) an faur-i-the-buik lik maist buikshoap fowk! We turnt in early – mony mair miles tae drive!

Kippers an smoked haddock wir regular features o oor breakfast fare! Sets ye up fir the day an bi ten o’ clock we wir oan the road agane. We taen a brief detour backwarts tae see Dunnet Head. It wis weel warth it! The sea cliffs there are spectacular! The auld lichthoose doobles up as a waddin venue nou an thair wir a wheen o tourists takkin in the view o Orkney in the distance. Ah taen some photies o Kittiwakes an Puffins oan their nests an burrows, percht eidently oan the edge o a three hunner fuit sheer drap! Next stoap Durness an Smoo Cave!

Smoo Cave is ane o the great naitrel winners o Scotland; a muckle chasm cairved oot the rock ower millennia! Archaeological speirin haes discuivert Neolithic, Norse and Iron Age artifacts there, an its thocht its uise micht gang back til Mesolithic times – whitane’er, it is a spectacular thing an a must-see oan the NC500 route! Durness then kythed a braw surprise fir us; Cocoa Mountain! This wee place wis hoachin wi tourists frae evri airt, cam tae sample whit they claim is the best hoat choaclit in the warld – an aiblins they wir richt! The hoat choaclit we hud wis sublime! Wha wid hae thocht tae fuin a Cafe Chocalaterie in this faur flung outpost!? But a sublimely gyte venture bi thaim wha dreamt it up. Diet ruint, we cairriet oan oor wey!

The A894 is a spectacular road tae drive. Aftimes we juist stoapt in oor tracks tae tak in views that taen yer braith awa. Airts lik Loch a’ Mhuilinn National Nature Reserve, wha’s seascape islands stretch oot tae the horizon. Ither times ye hud tae stoap tae avoid shaggy hielant coos lyin oan the road; tourists snappin awa at thaim wi cameras. The roads up here are gey quate; perfeck fir the driver wha likes tae gie it laldie! Tho mind, aftimes it nerras tae single track an drivers hae tae be courteous wi ane anither. Which they ayeweys wir!

Anither stoatin view made us pu ower at Dileab Nan Lochlannach Lookout. The scene here, approachin Kylesku is amazing! Mountains, Bens an Lochs as faur as the ee can see! We craiced (or is thon cracked!?) wi a bunch o Englis cyclists here; fowk in their late middle age cyclin the NC500 in daily bite-sized chunks o aroond 30 miles; an ah can tell ye, it’s teuch gaun! Helluva nice fowk tho, wha luved Scotland!

Neist owernichter wis at the Royal Hotel in Ulapool. We hud some fish an chips at a harbour side chippie that nicht an listent tae the Ulapool an District Junior Pipe Baun (wi hielant dancers!) performin fir the tourists an public nearhaund the harbour. These guys (an lassies!) are Scottish Champions! An they pit oan a fantastic show that delichtit a crood o aboot twa hunner fowk, agane wi a wheen o fremmit tourists wha wir veesibly delichtit!

Ah’m bletherin oan here; an rinnin oot o road!

Time an agane, likesay, we wir stoapt in oor tracks bi braithtakkin view eftir braithtakkin view! Syne, we pu’d in at Inverew Gairdens, an NTS property. These gairdens wir cairved oot o a wilderness in the mid/late 1800’s bi a Victorian veesionary cried Osgood Mackenzie. Their walled gairden is a byordnar place indeed; ma ain wee allotment seems gey shilpit compared tae this gairden o paradise! We hud a guided tour o the gairdens an grunds, an hud a rerr an special treat seein the New Zealand Christmas tree in full bloom! A wee team o full-time gairdeners wark wunners here an hae turnt a wilderness intil a veritable Gairden o Eden! Agane, a must-see place! E’en their scones wir spectacular!!

Next stoap wis the Tigh an Eilean (“House of the Island”) Hotel at the picturesque fishin village o Shieldaig in Wester Ross. Sittin as it dis, richt neist the watter, this hostelry providit aiblins the best meal o oor trip. A rael friendly wee place, an we’d landed durin their annual coastal rowing regatta, that features a flotilla o rowin boats competin seriously fir glory in a fiercely focht race roond the bay. The neist morning ah glimpsed wi ma binoculars a muckle sea eagle abune the island athort the watter frae the hotel. They telt me they hae raised twa chicks this year! Whit a majestic sicht!

Eftir Shieldaig we gunned the wee motor tae ane o the last must-see/dos o wir NC500 tour; roond tae Applecross village, up ower the hill, an heidfirst doun the maddest drive in Scotland; the infawmous Bealach na Bà! The Bealach na Bà is an auncient drove road pass throu the mountains o the Applecross peninsula, in Wester Ross. Whit a mad road this is! Thair wir caurs an pushbikes, camper vans an motorbikes galore, aa gien it Rab’s Faither doun a road that wid hae Chris Froome’s erse makkin choaclit buttons! Definitely no fir the faint hairtit! But we made it! Then a lang drive doun throu Fort William an a gey dreich Glencoe fir a last nicht wi a frien in Perth, afore heidin hame tae Ayrshire.

The North Coast 500 is a jewel in the croon o Scotland! Drive it the nou afore the warld discuivers it; it wull mak ye realise whit a truly magical kintra we bide in! But mind, readers o The National ken that aareadies!