DEAR Angry, I have three cats, most of whom are happily living with me in my proud Scottish home.
Unfortunately, one of my moggies — Boyd — has started spending a lot of time at my English neighbour Jeremy’s house. At first I was okay with this, as Jeremy seemed like a nice man who loved our diverse European neighbourhood as much as he respected me and my cat’s place within it. However, I feel that Jeremy has begun to promise Boyd too much. I’ve overheard him saying things to her about unlimited Felix pouches and free balls of yarn for all. He’s also made some dubious oaths about writing off financial damages caused by felines scratching his furniture.
Most worryingly of all, Jeremy is apparently determined to leave our neighbourhood for a much worse one called Brexit. Scarily, I think he wants to take my cats with him regardless of how they, or I, feel about it. I had asked Boyd what she thought about Brexit last year, but she simply ignored me as she sat on the garden fence. My other tabbies (who intensely dislike Jeremy) have begun to attack Boyd and meow things like “traitor!” and “attention seeker!” at her. I just want Boyd back as part of our loving family. What should I do?
— Nicola, Edinburgh
DEAR Nicola, Felines are notoriously independent creatures, and attempting to bring any sort of discipline to them is almost impossible, hence the phrase “herding cats”. However, I believe that you should endeavour to stop your other moggies from attacking Boyd. The less comfortable she feels in your house, the more likely she is to spend all of her time prancing around Jeremy’s gaff. You said it yourself, you want her back as part of a loving family – and Boyd won’t see your family as loving if all they do is hiss and scratch at her.
Should Boyd realise that Jeremy can’t actually provide unlimited cat food, boundless balls of yarn and free scratching sofas; you don’t want her to feel unwelcome back at your place when she does. Politely pointing out that Jeremy’s pad isn’t all it’s cracked up to be is perfectly fine, but to make such a criticism in the form of abuse is counterproductive. They say curiosity killed the cat, and Boyd’s fascination with Jeremy could be a very good example of this. You may simply have to accept that she must learn on her own, and decide for herself – something Boyd has every right to do as a proud feline.
With that said, there is nothing stopping you from raising your concerns with Jeremy himself. If this man is ostensibly promising the world to your cats, with no hard evidence of how he plans to give it to them, you have every right to question him. In my view, Jeremy should not be actively trying to convince your tabbies that leaving their neighbourhood for Brexit is a good thing unless he can provide proof that this is the case. If Jeremy’s own cats decide to move there, that’s up to them, but he should not be forcing your Scottish moggies to relocate against their will.
The other thing that you could consider doing here is observing Boyd and better understanding her desires and concerns. As much as you might not be able to provide infinite cat treats or toys, you may be able to change some things about your home that would make it more comfortable for a cat of Boyd’s distinctive tastes. There is no set way for moggies to behave, and perhaps creating a home that welcomes a broad range of feline behaviours would be a step in the right direction. Boyd might simply feel that you are catering to the needs of your passionately anti-Brexit cats more than her, and by doing so you have inadvertently pushed her – and possibly other local mousers – away.
In the end, this Jeremy bloke appears to be the problem here. An absence of a valid argument for taking Scottish cats to Brexit, and lack of an explanation as to how he will provide their kitty goodies once there, seems extremely suspect to me. I would concentrate your efforts on exposing Jeremy as a deceiver rather than punishing Boyd, or any other cat, for believing in his supposed feline utopia. If you want your cat family back together, you should focus your attention on defeating those who wish to rip it apart, and cat-snatcher Jez sounds like he is intent on doing exactly that. Say no to Brexit, say no to Jeremy, but say kind things to Boyd – she might be enamoured with your English neighbour right now, but your house is still her home, and it’s one that she should always feel welcome in.
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