Dear Angry,

I’ve been living in the murky depths of Loch Ness for the last several hundred years. As you know, I have vowed to remain hidden until Scotland is once again independent. However, I will occasionally pop up to the surface to see what’s going on and who’s trying to catch a glimpse of me. Sadly, based on what I’ve seen, and from what my sensitive prehistoric ears tell me, the world has lost its mind in my absence.

My fans have gone from pleasant Scottish noblemen, hard-working fishermen and local children, to a terrifying tin-foil-hat tourist contingent who can’t seem to tell the difference between fantasy and reality. As much as I welcome their fandom of yours truly, I cannot condone their conversations regarding “Big Foot”, alien abduction, the Bush administration’s role in the 9/11 attacks and the BBC weather map being calculatingly angled to make Scotland look insignificant. Is this the sort of gobbledegook the world now believes in?

I also do not appreciate these individuals referring to me as a “monster”. As a matter of fact, I think this sort of language is a sign of just how dangerous these people are. Their delusionary thoughts about elaborate conspiracies working against them and cannot be healthy for their minds. In my view, it won’t be long until they turn to bigotry and violence. Is everybody on the surface now this barmy? Should I return to the deep?

Nessie,

Loch Ness

Dear Nessie,

It’s good to hear from you again. I don’t think we’ve hung out since that time I got blootered on Red Stripe and I rode you up and down the loch blasting S Club 7 from my portable CD player. I’m saddened to learn that you’re encountering the same conspiracy-minded individuals on the loch that I am on the shore. It appears that this outlook is spreading like a disease, and it’s one that even I’ve caught on a few occasions. I believe that this is all down to a human creation known as the internet. An information tool that’s as wonderful as it is dangerous.

Back in 2005, I watched a now infamous September 11 conspiracy documentary called Loose Change on the internet. Upon first viewing, it seemed chillingly convincing. However, I immediately set about fact-checking the movie and quickly realised that its senseless premise had been almost completely discredited by hard evidence. Unfortunately, this sort of investigative instinct is not commonly found among internet users. On the contrary, it’s far more likely that a person will begin with confirmation bias, such as searching the net for terms like “Bush did 9/11”, “the world is flat” or “globalism is wrong”, and gradually build up their preferred echo chamber from there.

This, I suggest, is what happened recently with the appalling and antagonistic “alt-right”. Thanks to the internet, a few racists in a pub were now able to link up with lots more racists in other pubs in different cities. These nasty individuals, who had been shunned by society for their awful opinions, formed an injustice league online. Moreover, the internet was pumping out videos that allowed such bigots to justify their preconceived notions of white supremacy with pretend facts and erroneous science. A movement that would’ve seemed impossible 20 years ago sprang up in a heartbeat on the back of digital deceits.

Sadly, this lunacy has now reached the most powerful office in the world. As much as President Donald Trump likes to deride “fake news”, he’s also pals with notorious conspiracy proliferator Alex Jones, and has even appeared on Jones’s bewilderingly popular InfoWars internet show. Although Alex Jones has a following of millions, he is simply a snake oil salesman, who fearmongers in order to get his disciples to buy dubious health supplements. In the midst of this sinister scam, Jones has made extremely offensive claims about the Sandyhook Elementary School shooting being faked by the government, and members of the Charlottesville Nazis rally being undercover Jewish operatives.

Donald Trump has never shied away from his association with Alex Jones, even going so far as to grant InfoWars a White House press pass. By extension, our own PM has done little to distance herself from Trump. So, suddenly Alex Jones, and his band of alt-right brothers, have been handed illusory credibility by major players on the world stage. This has to stop. In the future, I hope that children will be educated on the dangers of online deceptions, and the problem with beginning an investigation with confirmation bias. Perhaps then we will return to the simpler days of amusing myths and laudable legends. Stories are fun, mysteries are better, but being unable to distinguish fact from fiction is entirely stupid, as I’m sure you will agree, Nessie.