BBC1, 10.45pm

THIS new series of Scot Squad adds some new characters to the mix. We meet two plucky female detectives who are interviewing a “bam”, but the more genteel officer can’t understand a word he’s saying – not even his name.

Thankfully, her colleague takes over and quickly gets the necessary details. She can understand it all; they call her “The Bam Whisperer”.

There’s also a nod to the real-life story of the Glasgow nightclub that installed two-way mirrors in the ladies’ toilets so drunken morons could gawp at the unsuspecting women. I don’t consider myself a killjoy feminist but, with things as they are, I didn’t find this remotely funny.

But at least the old favourites are still here: weary Officer Karen and the indefatigable Bobby, plus volunteer officer Ken Beattie who has finally realised his dream of becoming a real police officer. So will our wee ginger pal suddenly start getting respect on the streets? What do you think?

BBC1, 9pm

OK, I love this show, so I probably tell you every week that tonight’s episode is a cracker – but tonight’s really is!

In fact, the chaos and idiocy on display were so severe I started to suspect the cheeky hand of editors at work, nudging the candidates toward some ridiculous choices, because surely no-one can be this daft if left to their own devices?

And yet it seems they are. In the boardroom, one of them even begs to be saved by appealing to Lord Sugar with “I’ve done a lot of doing!”

Each team is given the new Ford Fiesta and asked to create a name, slogan, and advertising campaign for it. They can choose from a series of locations for their glossy ads and one team makes a terrible mistake in selecting theirs.

I’m still laughing about it now. How could they be so daft?