Jimmy and Cedrene Botha volunteer with More to Life and Fertility Network Scotland

WE believe it is most couples’ desire to have children. We were no exception. After being married for four or five years we started trying for a baby. After two years with no success we sought advice from a fertility specialist.

The journey from then involved hormone supplements, blood tests and “scheduled” processes that would give us the best chance for conception. We then sought further advice and were placed on the NHS IVF waiting list.

Two more years passed, and again various tests including an ovarian reserve test highlighted that we would require additional help. The two years saw numerous trips to the fertility clinic, two failed IVF attempts and emotions left raw with the realisation that we would never have any children of our own.

It is from this broken and unfinished picture that we were determined to have empathy for those who find themselves in the same situation. We know the pain, the heartache and emptiness. We have heard all the attempts of encouragement from caring family and friends, but nothing can take that feeling away. We appreciate the sentiments from those who do have children, but they will never truly understand the emptiness that remains prevalent in our lives, and because of this we decided that we could be a similar voice but from a more understanding point of view.

Volunteering and being able to have conversations with couples in a similar situation helps us deal with our sense of loss and allows us to grow in our emotional understanding. We have also found that men find it especially hard to know how to deal with their emotions related to such a loss. It is often women who seek support and help. Because of this, we made the decision for us BOTH to be involved providing help, however small that may be, to individuals or couples.

Since joining the Fertility Network volunteer group, we have had some unique opportunities. One worth mentioning is when I (Jimmy) was asked to present to second-year midwifery students at Queen Margaret University about our journey from a male perspective. I found it a daunting prospect but once the presentation started, I enjoyed the interaction and conversations with the students.

I (Cedrene) have had the opportunity of connecting via email with three ladies at the start of their journeys. Each finding their own coping method. When it is so personal and raw, sometimes it is more comfortable to communicate electronically.

The fact that we can communicate electronically or by phone allows us to help out where we can, regardless of geographical limits. We feel we have matured as far as our loss is concerned, and even though we still think of it a fair bit, we know that helping someone else when they need it will hopefully add value to their lives.

For more information see fertilitynetworkuk.org