The National:

UGH! Don't you just hate it when you arrive to a music festival hoping to see Paul McCartney and Kendrick Lamar just to realise it's actually a celebration of wokeness.

Luckily, The Jouker sat out this year's Glastonbury music festival, but about 200,000 other music fans weren't so lucky.

If only they had listened to Neil Oliver.

The historian who isn’t a historian has fortunately taken a break from fighting with the weather and has very kindly revealed that Glastonbury has in fact been masquerading as a performing arts festival when it's actually “an annual pilgrimage of the woke and worthy”.

READ MORE: Furious Neil Oliver embarks on bizarre 'I Love Britain' rant on GB News

Announcing the major scoop on GB News, he said: “The Glastonbury music festival was the return of the annual pilgrimage of the woke and worthy.

"It is the gathering, all in one place, of the hundreds of thousands who think they know best and are ready and able to part with hundreds of pounds just to get beyond the high fences and onto the holy ground. Talk about no borders.”

Quite a claim, but luckily he hasn’t said anything weird before … 

Poor Oliver was lampooned on social media for his comments.

One Twitter user said: "Today's winner of: 'What upsets folk who call others snowflakes'.

"Neil Oliver with People enjoying themselves at things I wouldn't enjoy. Bring back national service! Blow up the Chunnel! Wear a cravat with an open shirt the colour of hangover piss!"

Another said: "Neil Oliver during lockdown: 'I want my freedom to go out! We should be free to be who we are!'

"Neil Oliver now: 'Look at those woke bastards going to Glastonbury in their hundreds of thousands! Who do they think they are ?!' What a total gland he's become."

The archeologist-turned-professional-headscratcher didn’t always think this way about Glastonbury though, as one writer pointed out that he may have changed his tune a little.

Hannah Rose Woods tweeted pictures showing his most recent rant on the festival compared to some earlier, more complimentary comments he made last year.

She said: "Someone please help Neil Oliver, he is being held hostage by a series of bad decisions."

In February of 2021 in his podcast Neil Oliver’s Love Letter to the British Isles, the television presenter shared his love for the Somerset festival.

His website reads: “This week Neil takes us to a place of legends, a place where, with a glint in his eye, he proudly tells us he was once the warm-up act to Bono and U2 on the Pyramid stage."

The change of heart struck a chord with some people, with one man tweeting: “Where’d all the joy go, Neil? Used to enjoy watching you emerge from behind a tree, manbag on your shoulder, a carefree flick of the hair before you waxed lyrical about an ancient hill fort.

READ MORE: ‘Historian’ Neil Oliver and his latest war – fighting woke weather

"All this bitterness (despite the right wingers being in power). It’s not you.”

Writer Dorian Lynskey suggested it was “radicalisation for dummies” while another person said, “it’s amazing how quickly alt-right crank rotted his brain”.

Who knows what prompted Oliver to so quickly fall out of love with Glastonbury. Maybe he didn’t like Olivia Rodrigo’s set much, or her comments on the US Supreme Court’s decision to overturn Roe vs Wade.

Maybe he got tired of waiting on McCartney to make an appearance. Maybe he thought Greta Thunberg had transitioned to a music career and was disappointed to hear her go on about "climate change".

Whatever the reason, it appears no amount of squinting will help the words of Neil Oliver make any sense.