ADULT escapes to hotels can be very nice and very civilised, but are they fun?
You know the score — drinks before dinner, hushed tones, a posh meal, followed by a digestif in the lounge. Occasionally guests even feel imposter syndrome, worrying they’re not sophisticated or grown up enough. It’s arguably time to put fun at the heart of adult experiences, escape everyday life, and have a blast.
If you want to leave “adulting” at the door, freeze your parenting responsibilities for a night, or forget those work woes, then check out the new House of Gods hotel in Glasgow. It’s decadent, opulent, and gives grown-ups the chance to be and feel sensational.
We dumped our precious children with friends in Stirling, and hit the road for Glasgow, channeling “main character” energy that kids rarely let anyone experience!
First up, if your boss or children treat you like their servant, book the House of Gods’ Treat Me Like I’m Famous package and suddenly you’re the VIP for the night. Simply rock up like the inner film star that you are and celebrate.
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This isn’t a hotel, it’s an experience. Your rider includes two glasses of Prosecco on arrival followed by a bottle in your room, gold petals and balloons scattered across your bed, a luxury chocolate selection, cocktails for two delivered to your room at a time of your choosing, plus a £40 bar tab. Then, when you crash for the night, milk, warm cookies and sweet treats are delivered by an in-house butler. At breakfast, enjoy a couple of Mimosas to kickstart the day, before enjoying a late check out of twelve noon. How hedonistic!
The cocktail lounge is said to be inspired by railway carriages, but its opulence, rich velvet seating, golden monkeys and mountainous murals on the walls is so decadent that this is no Scotrail experience, but perhaps conjures up vintage rail travel in exotic climes from the glamorous interwar years.
The bar offers up a fashion magazine style cocktail menu (I’d recommend Rock the Casbah and its violet notes). The interiors are notably dark, like a branch of Hollister or Abercrombie & Fitch, but the sparkle from the gold disco ball lights things up.
Leave the dimmed, intimate confines of the cocktail lounge and head to the top floor for the ultimate contrast where the light shines in. The bright and airy Sacred Garden rooftop restaurant is home to around 3000 flowers with its Garden of Eden vibe. It offers both indoor and outdoor seating and sweeping views over the city.
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The sun streams into the bar, and while the food can certainly fill you up, think more platters, small plates and nibbles. We set about a mix of calamari tempura, oven-baked camembert and shakshuka loaded fries.
With the hotel’s central location, guests are minutes away from Glasgow’s best bars, restaurants and shopping centres, so anyone seeking a more traditional three-course meal is spoiled for choice.
It’s equally an option to shut yourself away in the House of Gods’ maximalist classic rooms or suites and get up to whatever you like. The decor motto is definitely “more is more”. In the classic rooms there are no chairs, just a massive walk-in shower with gorgeous Au Lait toiletries, and a four-poster bed with zebra-print scatter cushions and interesting lighting options. The interiors are dark, with flashes of gold, and three discreet monkeys perched on the headboard promise to see no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil.
You may have guessed that this hotel is adult only, but there’s a strong element of playful self-awareness going on as well. While there’s not one gorgeous little rugrat in sight, the mixed crowd includes girls’ weekends and couples of all ages enjoying a night of freedom.
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Ultimately, the House of Gods experience is unapologetically bold and OTT, and it may not be everyone’s cup of tea. But, let’s face it, there are hundreds of hotels and country houses across Scotland offering elegant, refined accommodation, so somewhere a little bit tongue-in-cheek and faux-debauched is a great offering and fills a gap in the market. We could all do with a bit more fun in our lives.
The House of Gods opened its first playground of excess in Edinburgh in 2019, but the new 28-bedroom Glasgow offering is bigger and pushes the envelope further. Whether you’re a couple who fancy a night on the town, pals seeking glam vibes, or parents who wish to let their hair down, the House of Gods lets you max out and be the star of your own show.
A double room starts from £119 a night, including breakfast.
The optional Treat Me Like I’m Famous package costs £99 per couple.
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