IN an independent Scotland, the public won’t be shafted – they’ll be made love to! It’s quite the opposite at Westminster. Presently, no doesn’t mean no – it just means later.

The crucial vote on stop tax credit cuts has not only resulted in this legislative humiliation retaining political relevance, it has brought about a review of the House of Lords that will likely result in the institution losing any and all powers that could hinder further Tory malevolence.

It would seem obvious to me that, when you’re dealing with an enemy as intelligent and psychotically driven as George Osborne, the last thing you should give him is time.

This is a man who will reduce the income of hard-working families whilst ignoring tax dodgers and corporate loopholes without blinking an eye.

Osborne now says he’ll “lessen the impact” of tax credit cuts, but he means “lessen” in the same way using a baseball bat instead of a sledgehammer lessens a blow to the head.

Osborne is morbidly obsessed with being remembered as the chancellor who wrote off the deficit. Nothing will stop him from seeing his vision realised.

Gideon is an economic Terminator; he can’t be bargained with. He can’t be reasoned with. He doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And he absolutely will not stop – ever – until anyone not conducive to revenue is dead. Worse yet, he preaches from his textbook of austerity having written off seven years of corporation tax for his family business. Most elected officials, even the cruellest, are concerned with democratic image, yet Osborne shows absolutely no signs of this. His ability to absorb hatred and disdain is truly remarkable for a public figure on his level; something not seen since the days of Margaret Thatcher.

Sadly, it’s these impassive traits which have thrust him into contention for Tory leader. Personally, I think that openly admiring Osborne sounds like something you should be treated for medically. But to the financially and emotionally disconnected, Gideon seems like the perfect man for the job. If you want to go as something truly frightening for Halloween, dress up as Osborne’s approval ratings!

Of course, George does not act alone. This week, the Tories had multi-millionaire fudrick Andrew Lloyd Webber fly in from New York to stand in favour of tax credit cuts. At the same time, Lady Mone of Mayfair made her House of Lords debut by voting to make hard-working people poorer. Moreover, thanks to the newly-instituted Evel legislation, England has somehow got more power out of the 2014 independence referendum than Scotland. Something is indeed rotten in the state of Westminster!

Unsurprisingly, Gordon Brown hasn’t apologised to the voters he misled with his Vow last year, even if they must now be feeling like Mufasa after Scar threw him off a cliff. Worse yet, Scotland is presently fighting Osborne’s spiteful mentality with less than half an army. We’ve assembled our troops in the form of the ready and willing SNP. England, however, has enlisted the cumbersome soldiers of Corbyn’s corps, whose favoured methods of offence are to either remain idle or sleep with the enemy.

There is no justification for the people of Scotland suffering as a result of nefarious governmental shenanigans. As commander-in-chief of #SexySocialism, I am looking at the dogmatic trenches of Westminster and rapidly running out of options other than to pull our troops back and hope they make it out alive before England blows itself up. If a country voting for and endorsing the Conservative Party isn’t a sign it has hit the moral self-destruct button, I don’t know what is. Comrades, independence is the only way for us to escape the bureaucratic blast zone and avoid being contaminated by the toxic Tories!