Mhairi Black: Horrific scale of sexual harassment is clear — here's how we make progress

Everyone has been talking about what has been emerging and it’s crucially important that we continue to talk about it until there is a real change in the way people in positions of power treat those they hold that power over.

Really this scandal began last year when a video of then presidential candidate Donald Trump was leaked, in which he gleefully brags about how his power and money mean he can walk up to, and sexually assault, any woman without any worry of repercussion. Horrifically, he went on to suggest that women, after being assaulted, would not be able to resist his “charm” – to the sound of laughter from another man.

While that was shocking, I think the truly sinister part of the video is when Trump talks about how “when you’re a star they let you do it – you can do anything”. It is such a clear demonstration of how those who wield wealth, status and power think. The kind of thinking that makes them believe it is acceptable to harass women, and men; to touch them inappropriately; to coerce them into sexual favours, and all the other lewd things that have been reported over recent weeks.

When the Harvey Weinstein story broke, I once again found it horribly disturbing how confident and unapologetic these predators clearly are. Then the stories started creeping out from Westminster, where abuse is built into a system that thrives on elitism and staying stuck in the past, an “old boys’ club” where sexual harassment is clearly just par for the course.

Next were the stories from Holyrood and my own party. And then it was back to America where comedian Louis CK, actor Kevin Spacey, and Republican senate candidate Roy Moore were all accused. What was most disturbing of all was the number of personal stories I was hearing from people I knew and loved profoundly. My partner, my friends, my family – truly sickening things, ranging from someone standing just that wee bit too close to them in a nightclub, or a creepy late-night text message from a colleague all the way to men exposing themselves to total strangers on buses, and instances of outright sexual assault.

And the most upsetting part was that all these women whom I love dearly spoke with no shock or surprise at all. They all told their stories as though dealing with masculine “impulses” and inappropriate actions of men who try to excuse their behaviour as “flirting” was a completely normal occurrence in their life.

These fiery, intelligent, and often downright scary women who have inspired me to be a strong, confident woman all my life, had each been too intimidated or embarrassed to share their story, through fear of being called a liar, fear of the drama it might cause in their social circles, or simply because they were frozen to the spot in disbelief and fear.

This is an endemic, festering rot at the heart of our society that we clearly have not yet managed to treat. We don’t even know the extent to which it spreads! Which is why it is so important for us to encourage people to come forward.

The reaction to these stories has thankfully been swift on the whole, and we are now talking about this issue more frankly than we ever have before. This is good. It is progress, but we have to have a conversation about some of the utterly disgraceful reactions to these allegations of sexual harassment.

Here are some examples I want to focus on:

• To the men who are complaining about no longer knowing where the line is between flirting and harassment, let me give you advice. If you do not naturally know or sense the difference between consensual flirting and sexual harassment, don’t flirt. If you like someone, have a conversation with them and listen respectfully.

• I saw a trick on the internet that I think works well. Speak to every woman (or person) you meet as though you are speaking to Muhammad Ali. If you offered Ali a drink and he politely said no, no sane person would aggressively insist. You most certainly would not dare put your hands on Ali unless you were invited to.

• To the women who “slut shame” and imply that women are somehow responsible for the assaults they endure, physically or verbally, I say this: wheesht. Just wheesht. If that is what you genuinely believe then fine, but keep it to yourself, although I would encourage you to sit and reflect on why you think this.

I am writing this from an incredibly personal point of view. I speak for myself and not the SNP in what I say. I have been incredibly lucky in that I have never found myself feeling intimidated by anyone so much that I felt frozen. Yes, that may be because of how I carry myself; yes, it may be because I have never found myself in a sexually dangerous situation as such – but the point is, I am the anomaly.

I am not doing anything different to all other women. I do not have some secret magic formula. Certainly, in my life, most women in particular have suffered at some point. And I have been disheartened whenever I have heard the good men I know expressing annoyance or humour at this new anxiety they feel with regard to how they conduct themselves around women.

Women have been carrying a much worse anxiety much more often for centuries.

“Maybe I should ignore that comment because it might hurt my career.”

“Every time I go out to see my friends I am made uncomfortable by someone looking at me inappropriately, not taking the hint.”

“Did that just happen? Did they really just touch me there?”

These are, or have been, the everyday thoughts of most women at some point. We are now realising these are also the thoughts of some men too. I felt a fraction of that anxiety getting into a lift at Westminster this week. At the last moment, an individual who is currently (rightfully) caught up in the sexual harassment scandal got in with me. It was only when I stepped out of the lift that I realised I had not taken a breath the entire time.

Maybe it is time some of that anxiety was shared with men in particular. I say that because while I am fully aware that some women can be just as manipulative and twisted as men, we cannot ignore the trend being powerful men in powerful positions.

There are countless decent, kind and utterly respectful men out there, and I am so proud when I see them clamping down on any hint of homophobia, sexism, or misogyny. There is the desire and the will for change, and I know that the sane, civil people heavily outweigh the predators. So let us be confident in all supporting those who come to us with any abuse, and let us condemn and deal effectively and robustly with any incidents of abuse, regardless of our political, personal or professional ties. Ultimately, it should be as simple as what we teach children – treat people with the respect you would wish to be treated with, and keep your damn hands to yourself.