The National:

YOU'LL often hear from Unionists that the Yes movement is "flag-obsessed" – though often the person making that accusation has a Union Jack as their Twitter profile picture.

But still, it's a line you'll also see Tory politicians trotting out ... which is why Scottish Tory MP Andrew Bowie's contribution to a Conservative Party conference event is so hilarious.

Bowie couldn't stop talking about flags, including boasting about a Union Jack being put up in view of Nicola Sturgeon's office. However, he also seemed very keen for the UK Government to take full control of Edinburgh Castle.

The event, hosted by Policy Exchange, was titled "How can we strengthen the Union after Brexit?"

As well as Bowie, panellists included Lord Caine of Temple Newsam, Welsh Secretary Alun Cairns MP, DUP leader Arlene Foster, Transport Secretary Grant Shapps and event chair Will Heaven.

Twitter user @RobDunsmore kindly put together a thread of clips from the event showing Bowie at his best.

Edinburgh Castle being run by a Scottish Government body seemed particularly outrageous to Bowie.

He explained: “We talked about giving away so much property and so much UK Government estate over to the devolved administrations, which in 1979, 1999, we should remember, was in many ways what was expected to have been done – Scotland and Wales had voted for devolutions, the Labour government at the time were determined to make it work.

“But it wasn’t just Bute House they gave away. They gave away Edinburgh Castle – so Historic Scotland, which are a Scottish Government body, now have control of Edinburgh Castle.

“It’s one of the fantastic assets of our United Kingdom, a British army base, and cannot be used for UK Government functions unless it’s specifically for the army-based parts of Edinburgh Castle, whereas the Scottish Government can use it as a backdrop for any of their announcements."

If only the UK had control of Edinburgh Castle! After all, they've done so much for our other assets – just don't mention the oil revenue, of course.

READ MORE: Video shows Boris Johnson saying he doesn't want Nicola Sturgeon 'anywhere near' climate summit

And Bowie offered up another quote that you might want to bookmark for the next time a Scottish Tory attacks anyone for being "obsessed with flags".

Talking about Queen Elizabeth House, the new UK Government hub in Edinburgh, he said: "David Mundell was explaining to me that just before the opening he managed to get planning permission approved for an extra-large flagpole at the back.

"The reason for this was a bit of a mystery ... until we worked out that Nicola Sturgeon's office looks right down on the back of Queen Elizabeth house, so that every time she opened her curtains she saw this fantastically large Union Jack flying outside, demonstrating that Edinburgh and Scotland were very much still in the United Kingdom."

The problem with high-speed broadband infrastructure investment is that the "DCMS" on the box is not an acronym people are familiar with, complained Bowie, but everyone knows  what the "Scottish Government" on them means.

DUP leader Arlene Foster made her agreement known on this point.

But the Tory MP had to show a little humility, too. He admitted that the Scottish Government were "incredibly good" at branding.

Bowie explained: “The Scottish Government use every single weapon in their armoury to try to divide our country. They’re incredibly good at doing what we’re not. And that’s branding.

“Every single thing The Scottish Government do in Scotland has a Saltire on the side of it and says ‘paid for and delivered by the Scottish Government’.

“Where’s our UK flag? Where’s ‘paid for and delivered by HM Government’ or ‘the UK Government in Scotland’?

“We see huge infrastructure projects in Scotland, great infrastructure projects – the Aberdeen Western Peripheral Route, the Queensferry Crossing – all of which, yes, were projects that were instigated by the Scottish Government, but which were made possible by funding from HM Treasury treasury down in London.

"So why don’t we bang the doors down and shout from the rooftops that all those things were only possible because Scotland is part of the wider United Kingdom and the exchequer?”

So there you have it, folks. The Queensferry Crossing would apparently not have been possible in an independent Scotland.

Keep in mind that this comes from a politician whose party leader and Prime Minister is such an infrastructure guru that the Garden Bridge project he oversaw in London cost taxpayers £53 million without ever coming to fruition.

Scotland can do so much better.