IN these dark and uncertain times, we look for small moments of joy wherever we can find them.
One such joy has been getting the chance to see inside the homes of politicians as they social-distance themselves from TV studios.
That’s how we discovered that Michael Gove owns stilton-patterned curtains. It’s what confirmed the theory that money can’t buy you taste.
And on Wednesday night, we got a glimpse of Nigel Farage wearing impossibly short shorts – an image that gave a whole new meaning to the phrase "bollocks to Brexit".
On Thursday, the first-ever digital FMQs was held. The five party leaders gathered for the video call, with presiding officer Ken Macintosh standing ready to intervene if things got too rowdy.
Early on, he reminded us "I don’t have my gavel to hand" – as though anybody would have noticed, given how reluctant Zen Ken always is to use the bloody thing.
Nicola Sturgeon was in the now familiar briefing room at St Andrew’s house. Which made me wonder if the stooshie over Catherine Calderwood has made her afraid to leave, for fear a journalist from The Sun is lurking in the bushes.
Jackson Carlaw loomed down the camera at an angle that would make many an Instagram influencer shudder. If this virtual FMQs is to become a weekly thing then party leaders really need to get some millennials on board to teach them the intricate science of flattering angles and filters.
He was filming from his office, rather than his own home, because he’s a spoilsport.
Carlaw continued the constructive and polite approach we’ve seen in recent weeks. In fact, he and the First Minister have such an easy rapport these days that I highly doubt this was really their first video call together.
READ MORE: Virtual FMQs: Nicola Sturgeon urges Scots to stay home over Easter weekend
At one point, when it became clear that no politician had wandered away for a cup of tea or started to buffer, Ken Macintosh could be seen smiling contentedly in the manner of a dad who has just discovered YouTube and its treasure trove of amusing cat videos.
Patrick Harvie dialled in from his extremely sexy living-room. With its on-brand emerald green walls and dark wooden furniture, I quickly decided that of all the party leaders, his is the house I’d like to visit most. He wasn’t wearing a suit and more power to him, I say. He didn’t have his top button done up. He probably wasn’t even wearing trousers but alas, as closely as I looked, I couldn’t verify my hunch.
Richard Leonard was live from his living-room and sitting far too close to the camera. Distractingly close. The screen was comprised of 90% socialist eyebrows and 10% big light.
Lockdown must be getting to Willie Rennie. Bizarrely, he decided upon a completely blank wall – magnolia, no less – for his background. What a disappointment. It is widely rumoured that he took inspiration from that other, less famous Willy, when decorating his home.
We can be certain he’s got a river of Irn-Bru running through his downstairs bathroom and had a big slide installed instead of stairs, so feck knows why he refused to give us a wee peek.
Maybe he’ll show us next week. With lockdown set to continue, ‘FMQs: Through the Keyhole’ might just become a highlight of the week. Lord help us.
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