DOWNING Street’s failed Union Unit has come up with all kinds of ideas to save the Union.
Reportedly at one point they even wanted to put Union flags on the AstraZeneca vaccine (not a surprise, because the UK is currently trying to put Union flags on all solid objects in sight). The Tories have proposed love bombing Scotland, offering up extra funding, but surprisingly at no point did they offer us a princess in a blue dress.
Well more fool them, because to some that’s exactly what’s needed to prevent us silly Scots wanting to become independent. Like a magpie is distracted by shiny objects, perhaps we’ll be enchanted by royalty paying tribute to our national flag in fashion form, complete with £1400 earrings.
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After Gordon Brown – who is running his own campaign to save the Union – had a secretive meeting with William and Kate, speculation grew over whether the royal couple would be tasked with keeping Scotland in the UK.
The Telegraph’s Royal Family Twitter account put out an article on that very topic – and how the Countess of Strathearn used extortionately priced fashion items to get her point across.
“The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have spent the week in Scotland, deployed on a charm offensive to help quell growing independence sentiment,” the account wrote. “Fashion is a potent tool in Kate’s diplomatic armoury. Here are the meaning behind each of her looks.”
👑The Duchess made a bold arrival when she joined Prince William in Scotland on Monday.
— Telegraph Royal Family (@TelegraphRoyals) May 28, 2021
She teamed her bright cobalt blue Zara blazer with a new pleated skirt by Berkshire-based brand Hope.
🏴Together, they formed an unmistakable tribute to the Scottish flag pic.twitter.com/3MGl6RelPq
The newspaper then detailed the princess’s outrageously costly outfits. They showed a photo of Kate in a cobalt blue blazer and skirt, paired with a white and blue floral face covering. “Together, they formed an unmistakeable tribute to the Scottish flag.”
They’ve cracked it! Let’s re-run the Holyrood election, we’ve all changed our minds. Down with the pro-indy majority!
Some of the other garments which could persuade us to remain in this archaic, unequal Union are apparently a £650 jumper and £900 trench coat.
Overall the cost of Kate’s wardrobe on her Scottish tour was nearly £8500.
How far could that go for a family living in poverty after a decade of Tory austerity?
How many rooms could it secure for Scotland’s homeless population?
Are we seriously supposed to look at the fact seven days of clothes cost the equivalent of a third of the median Scottish annual salary and think wow yeah, you know what, this independence stuff isn’t doing it for me anymore - This is the system we want to be part of?
There was anger towards this idea among Scots. “Lads, sorry to say that I've gone from YES to NO, because an entitled woman wore a bit of tartan,” wrote David Carswell.
“Is the fact that a pretend princess can spend more on one outfit than Scots receive for their old age pension turning you into a unionist?” asked Tony Gurney.
“This smacks of real desperation - and won't make the slightest difference! Delighted she has a nice new wardrobe though,” commented Eileen Morrison.
Another Twitter user added: “Charm offensive. Fashion potent weapon. Explain how any of that helps with poverty, drugs deaths, Brexit, rising inequality.”
Paul Aitken chipped in with his take on the political nature of the thread. “I genuinely could take or leave the Royals. I don’t mind them as head of state, but a debate will happen once we’re independent,” he wrote. “@KensingtonRoyal should know their place. That involves not being political. If they chose to be political, then it will backfire.”
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