The National:

BORIS Johnson and his band of Brexiteers are determined to bear us back ceaselessly into the past.

Not content with waving countless Union flags around and treating our European neighbours like it’s the Napoleonic Wars, the Tories have now said they want to reintroduce pounds and ounces into UK shops.

And not only that, they will also bring back the “Crown Stamp” on pint and half-pint glasses. These are just two of the 23 “Brexit opportunities” laid out by the UK Government on Thursday.

“The great British pint is set for a triumphant return after a post-Brexit bonfire of Brussels' red tape,” the Telegraph reported.

READ MORE: Welcome to Brexit Britain – please set your watches back by 50 years

“Great news,” Nigel Farage exclaimed: “Brexit is making us more British.”

In Scotland, the news wasn’t greeted with quite such elation.

“Wait until he finds out that the system of using pounds and ounces was developed during trade throughout Europe and is called … avoirdupois”, the SNP’s Murray Foote tweeted in response to Farage’s tosh.

And Foote’s right, avoirdupois is a French term for a system that originated either there or in Florence, Italy. But when did Farage ever care about facts?

Under the extremely easy system, one ounce is sixteen drams, one pound is sixteen ounces, and one stone is fourteen pounds. Got it?

If you went to school since 1974, when metric measurements became the standard, most likely not.

“I have no idea what imperial weights and measures are... anyone?” Scottish LibDem Christine Jardine admitted.

“0oz = 0g, only conversion we’ll need seeing as there’s nothing on the shelves anyway,” one Conner Bradshaw said.

“The very definition of gesture politics. Backward looking, #Brexiteer pandering, pointless nonsense”, SNP president Michael Russell branded the news.

Glasgow East MP David Linden wrote: “Changing weights and measures won’t make much difference to my constituents at the supermarket when they a) don’t have enough money in their pockets as it is and b) the Prime Minister’s botched Brexit deal means we’ve got no HGV drivers to deliver stuff to the shops…”

The SNP's depute leader at Westminster, Kirsten Oswald, said that Scotland can do "much better".

"At a time when we are facing critical staff and food shortages, rising costs, food rotting in fields, businesses losing trade, and mountains of red tape - it beggars belief that the Prime Minister believes this is a priority", she said.

Elsewhere, River City’s David Paisley quipped: “I can't wait to start paying for a quarter pound of fruit and a half pint of milk with tuppence ha'penny so I can pass it on to little Jimmy down the poorhouse and hopefully stave off the scurvy and rickets.”

“Everybody under 50 now has to learn how many thrupennies are in a florin before they can buy a kilderkin of beer. Also: we're out of beer”, Russ Jones joked.

“Living in the UK, I got so sick of asking for 568.3 milliliters of beer at the pub. One day I broke down and shouted ‘one proud imperial pint of bitter, barman!’

“Damned if the EU metric measurements enforcement team didn't find out and make me move back to the US. True story!” the FT’s Robert Armstrong wrote.

READ MORE: How Westminster struggled to impose imperial measures on Scotland once before

“Step 1: bring back the pint. Step 2: bring back the Empire”, another user wrote.

“Can’t wait to pay for my food shop exclusively in sixpences in 2023 because all the other coins have been deemed too woke,” one Scot quipped.

“A bushel of diesel please”, added another.

A third Twitter user wrote: “I’d like to buy a pound of apples and a pound of oranges please?

“Sorry, this is the shop that’s run out of cheese. The shop that’s run out of fruit is next door.”

Mogwai’s Stuart Braithwaite commented: “What’s next? Black and White Minstrel show? Hanging? Jim Davidson on the telly. This place is a joke.”

The famous Yesser summed up the feelings of many Scots on the Twitter platform who said that the news showed the difference between a forward-looking Scotland and a backwards England.

“Ok...yes got it...they want to introduce 2 shillings for minimum wage,” another user added.

“Then coal-fired steam locomotives to replace all electric trains? And of course we shall all be compelled by law to wear only Victorian costume (gentlemen: tails & top hat; ladies: bustles de rigueur), on pain of hefty jail sentences for non-observance,” another wrote.

“It turns out that Global Britain is a theme park for the over-75s”, a third joked.

If only it was a joke.