WHEN 10-year-old Kayden was adopted, his new parents told him that his family was growing bigger, not smaller.
Kayden had been in the care of foster parents in Midlothian as his birth mother was unable to provide the care he needed. When Lee Robertshaw and Dale Briggs adopted him in 2016, they knew how important it was that his existing relationships were maintained, even though they live in Yorkshire.
So, ever since the adoption, Lee and Dale have made sure Kayden stays in touch with his foster family and his brother, who still lives with his gran in Scotland. The families exchange birthday and Christmas gifts, catch up on FaceTime and regularly spend holidays together – and the benefits to Kayden have been obvious.
“I think the most important thing has been that Kayden knows those people who he knew and loved in Scotland are still a part of his life,” Lee said. “We tell him ‘your family got bigger, not smaller’, which has been really important to him.”
The family also stays in contact with Kayden’s mother, seeing her once a year with hopes this might become more regular in the future.
Lee said: “It was important for us that Kayden saw his mum and his dads were not in conflict with each other, giving Kayden permission to secure his attachment to us.
“This has been very positive for Kayden, and just shows how important life story work is in giving children a window to understanding their past.”
Contact with birth families and previous carers such as this would have been rare, if not impossible, just a few decades ago, but has become increasingly common in recent years as adoption services have recognised how important prior relationships are to adopted children.
Adoption UK’s recent Adoption Barometer report found that 28% of children who did not have formal contact arrangements in place had contacted their birth family informally, which can lead to devastating impacts on their mental health and family stability.
That’s why the theme of this year’s Adoption Week Scotland is “The Current Face of Adoption”, as organisers Adoption UK Scotland and Adoption and Fostering Alliance (AFA) Scotland aim to challenge misconceptions about adoption and celebrate how things have improved for adoptive families.
Adoption Week Scotland offers events and webinars covering topics such as staying in contact with birth families and siblings, understanding early-years trauma and current developments in therapeutic parenting.
Fiona Aitken, Adoption UK Scotland director, said: “We want to highlight the current issues and areas of importance for today’s adoptive families.
“Areas covered this year include the value of therapeutic parenting and engaging with children and families in a trauma-informed way, the importance of adoption support and services such as our TESSA (Therapeutic, Education
and Support Services in Adoption) and FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder) Hub and a focus on the importance of maintaining relationships.
“It’s crucial to recognise that adoption comes with the need to consider the life story of children and individuals involved, including the wider family relationships that child may have.
“Recent legislation ensuring that brothers’ and sisters’ rights of contact are ensured should have a significant impact on the way we support adoptive families. This year’s programme of events will include conversations on these important topics and more.”
Robin Duncan, AFA Scotland director, said: “Adoption week is a great opportunity to highlight the way adoption now works and challenge misconceptions
that hark back to previous eras when adoption was often seen as demanding a clean break with the child’s past.
“There will be opportunities to hear about good examples of practice where children can maintain relationships with people who remain important to them.
“The week will also highlight the potential of therapeutic parenting and the need for trauma-informed practice.”
Clare Haughey, Minister for Children and Young People, said: “Adoption Week Scotland is our chance to say ‘thank you’ to all those involved and to celebrate the difference adoption is making to thousands of young people across Scotland.
“The themes that are being looked at over the week are all very relevant and important and we are working hard in partnership with the care sector and care-experienced young people to make further improvements in these areas.”
The full programme of events for Adoption Week Scotland can be found online at adoption.scot/adoption-week-2021
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