BERMANS & Nathams film costumiers in London is a spectacular place. Back in the day, when I had involvement in television productions, I received an invitation to visit. It was a huge building on several floors and at the end of the visit, so mesmerised was I that I climbed into the lift and, for some moments, forgot where I really was.

The lift stuttered to a halt, the door slid open, and there, standing before me, was a officer from World War II Germany! Just for a second, I actually thought I had been in Doctor Who’s Tardis (a few days before I had shared another lift with Tom Baker and Mary Tamm), so it was in my head I suppose, and I really did think I had landed somewhere in 1943. I emerged from this hallucination because I recognised the actor, and we greeted, and he had a good laugh at me when I told him this story.

Yesterday was a kind of similar experience. I watched Colin MacKay, of STV news, interviewing Douglas Ross, and I thought that I heard Douglas Ross say that Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, should resign. I shook my head from side to side, and checked the internet, and found myself, again, in the lift-shaft Tardis at Bernmans & Nathams, for in this particular work, by Salvador Dali, the clocks were dripping all over the place, and for the first time in my life I found myself in agreement with a Tory! Someone, no less, than the “Leader” of the Conservatives of Scotland! If that is not surreal, what is?

I peeled the wrapper from a ‘Chuppa Cups’ and sucked as I contemplated.

(NB: Salvador designed the ‘Chuppa Cups’ logo).

The next thing I was aware of was criticism of Douglas Ross by Michael, Aberdeen, Gove and Jacob, Central Fife, Rees-Mogg. Claiming that Murray Ross, as Boris Johnson calls him, was nothing but a ‘lightweight’ in the Conservative and Unionist Party.

Then I thought ... am I being taken for a sucker? Is this an elaborate ploy, by some person who works in Tory Party central? We know that Johnson really cares nothing about that is said about him. Good, bad or ugly, as long as his picture is on the front of the newspaper that is good enough for him. So is this a way of upping the profile of Douglas Ross? My neighbour voted Tory, but she would not know Douglas Ross from a boiled sweet. So here, on a day when John Curtis said that the Tories are polling at only 17% in Scotland, which is the lowest since the Jurassic period, Douglas gets more media exposure than he has ever had, and Boris gets a bit more, because two Tory grandees shower Ross with insults. Douglas is used to insults as football supporters often shout at referees suggesting they should at least clean their spectacles before a match begins.

I climbed out of the Tardis again, and realised that a flash of sympathy had passed through my cerebral cortex, for a man, for whom, I had previously only felt disdain. It echoed in my ear ‘poor Douglas’, even his ‘betters’ dislike him. Then I thought could there be anyone in the Tory Party with that much aforethought, to plot to increase Ross’s notoriety, in such a devious fashion? Then it struck me that it was a Tory official who invited a hundred people to a work meeting, sorry party, and to bring their own booze, during ‘Lock-Down-One’, (Now there is a title for a TV series).

Before Ruth Davidson put on her ermine I did send here a letter. I suggested that when Scotland is Independent, she could throw her hat in the ring, and have at least a chance of becoming the First Minister of a whole country. Whilst, at that time, there was little chance of her becoming the Prime Minister of the disunited Kingdom. I asked why would she no support Indy Ref 2, with that idea in mind. If she saw that letter I am sure she would have laughed. I expect an advisor filed my missive in the wasted paper bin before it got to Ruth’s desk. If she had written back to me, to congratulate me for the suggestion, an idea she had not thought of. It would have been truly surreal. Yet I wonder, now, after this minor earthquake, if the Tory MSP’s are having similar thoughts, because if Murray Ross has a chance of being big chief in Scotland, there might be a slightly better opportunity to advance their own career! In their minds, right now, maybe the status of Scotland, as a regional out-post of Tory England, might be changing to an image of an Independent Country, where they might, one day, actually have a chance to be king of the castle ... Oh sorry what kind of Salvador Dali, nightmare, painting, was I in just then?

“Has nay one got a Murray Mint? I have woken up with a really bad taste in my mouth....Yes fine a ‘Chuppa Cups’ will do the trick. Thank you.

Yes I am calling Colin MacKay, for I must really check that Douglas Ross did say that, and that Gove and Mogg said that, and even more, hilariously, I sure I heard Mogg say that Alister Jack is a big figure in Scottish politics!
Cher Bonfis
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