Here’s what to do if Blitz spirit isn’t enough to keep you warm this winter in Scotland

As the cost of living crisis is about to engulf the UK this winter, there can be no room for those who insist on moaning about it all. Britain is at its best when faced with adversity and before long, The Daily Telegraph will be publishing articles by Prince Charles and other multi-millionaires urging us all to rekindle the spirit of the Blitz.

It’s started already. A chap called Stephen Fitzpatrick, owner of the energy giant Ovo, has suggested we each devise a domestic exercise regime to keep warm and ward off fuel poverty. When times are tough, it’s vital that people like Fitzpatrick – whose personal fortune is estimated at around £700 million – come forward and show leadership by providing examples of best practice like this.

Another major firm, SSE Energy Services, earlier this year provided a handy guide for saving on those steep energy bills. It wants us to do star jumps and organise street hula-hoop contests. Touchingly, it also suggests that even if your home is freezing this winter that doesn’t mean it must also be dirty and untidy. So, why not put a little extra zip into your dusting and floor scrubbing and kill two birds with one stone, as it were.

READ MORE: Scotland’s councils plan ‘warm banks’ to help freezing Scots this winter

And there’s more. If you have enough money left to buy some food and sufficient electricity to cook it then why not heat the kitchen at least by leaving the oven door open for a while after you’ve taken the roast pheasant out of it?

Another firm, E.ON, sent socks to its customers, a characteristically gladsome gesture by a tender-hearted energy giant.

I think it now behoves the rest of us to take our lead from these energy firms and create our own ideas for surviving the winter. Of course, the eternal sifting of nature’s pruning fork means that not all of us will make it through this winter … but that doesn’t mean we can’t all have fun trying.

Why don’t we agree to make the most of death by having do-it-yourself home cremations? The Vikings – a resourceful and unsentimental bunch of lads – used to do this all the time. And we all know how freezing it gets in those fjords. Some of our ancient Pictish forbears were also early pioneers of the family funeral pyre, so we’d be reviving an ancient tradition.

So, if any of my children find me blue and stiff behind the door, well … you have my permission. There are some firelighters underneath the sink. Like most people though, I’m hoping to cheat death this winter. So, here are a few other tips I’m happy to pass on.

It’s clear in some working-class neighbourhoods that there are just too many houses crowded together in spaces which are already cramped. Perhaps residents could organise a lottery where the losing ticket-holder must sacrifice their homes for burning and move in with another family. As well as helping heat the street, this would make for a great sense of community spirit with benefits that will last well beyond the energy crisis.

During the pandemic, we all learned to work from home to keep the economy ticking over. So, why not take this a stage further by simply working from bed. Thus, you could keep swaddled all day underneath your blankets while doing your Zoom meetings.

People will freeze this winter after energy prices surge

In the epochal and moving 2004 film The Day After Tomorrow, featuring a towering performance by Dennis Quaid, there’s a scene within The New York Public Library which was a testament to the reserves of human ingenuity. They simply banded together and burned stacks of books to keep the heat going. Obviously, in working-class neighbourhoods where books are considered an indulgence, they could gather those few they have and burn them as a source of energy.

IT’S vital that in a national emergency such as this one shops, offices and supermarkets also do their bit to keep their customers’ domestic energy consumption down.

I’d be in favour of the UK and Scottish Governments providing tax incentives for companies to provide sleeping bags for employees and customers so that they don’t have to go home and use up precious heat.

And, if you really must return home – especially if you have young children – then why not run home instead?

Local authorities and national rail providers can also play a part this winter. By providing buses and trains running through the night, people could use them to get heat.

In the Harry Potter movies, the Knight Bus was a three-decker public service vehicle which had sleeping quarters. It wouldn’t take long for council tradespeople to stick an extra deck on their omnibus stock for this purpose.

Vending machines selling cheap and cheerful working-class food like Pot Noodle and crisps could also be provided.

Similarly, many trains could run through the night equipped with blankets and pillows for when the meter runs out before pay day.

And for the unemployed, well … maybe they just need to get creative and think outside the box.

No matter where you live in Scotland, you’re never very far away from hills and mountains.

READ MORE: Here's what Scotland can do to avoid a future cost of living crisis

And we all know that where there are hills and mountains there are caves and trees. It surely makes sense to grant government contracts for building firms to make Britain’s cave network fit for human habitation with rudimentary – but imaginative – retro-fitting.

I feel, too, that perhaps we’ve all been a bit too hasty in condemning Priti Patel’s Rwanda policy. Maybe the Home Secretary has inadvertently stumbled on to something here. Surely, in this time of national fuel emergency, we could explore similar schemes with other third-world countries that have been blessed with a hot climate. As well as sending asylum-seekers to these countries, we could also send British families experiencing fuel poverty.

And who knows: perhaps several of them might find these places to their liking and put down roots.

It would recall those glorious days when the sun never set on Britain’s Empire, a sort of imperialism for poor people.

You know it makes sense.