LIZ Truss delivered her keynote speech to the Tory Conference today. Well I say keynote, there was a note, and it was off-key. The thrust of her speech was how dreadful the country has become, seemingly forgetting the Torie have been in power for the last 12 years.
The press notes prior to her speech announced that she would come on stage to the tune of a 1990s classic, spare a thought for all the poor 90s bands sweating and hoping it's not one of theirs. The announcement immediately got social media speculating whether it would be 1996's Stupid Girl by Garbage, a band with a highly appropriate name for a Conservative Party conference. Or perhaps it could be Everybody Hurts by R.E.M., or If You Tolerate This (Your Children Will Be Next) by the Manic Street Preachers.
The social media name that song game prompted by the announcement was infinitely more uplifting, entertaining and informative than a single syllable of Truss's robotic and turgid string of empty buzzwords masquerading as a speech. Although whatever the song was, and eventually it turned out to be M People's Moving On Up, it proved that we are definitely in the era of retro politics with a prime minister who desperately wants to revisit the Conservatives' greatest hits of the 1980s, and a cabinet that wants to take social policies back to the 1880s. The song choice was immediately condemned by a spokesperson for the band, who was furious that the song had been used without permission and said that the band did not want its song used as a soundtrack to lies. The son of Heather Small, the band's singer, is a Labour councillor. Well the Tories do steal from everyone else, so stealing a song is very much on brand for them.
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The actual lyrics of the song read: You've done me wrong, your time is up You took a sip from the devil's cup You broke my heart, there's no way back Move right out of here, baby, go on pack your bags Not for the first time we see that this is a government which is incapable of doing basic research. It's a song about a break-up. And in further proof of failure to do research Truss said "Nicola Sturgeon won't build new nuclear power stations to solve the energy crisis in Scotland." Scotland produces considerably more energy than it consumes and exports both electricity from renewable sources and gas to England. Scotland does not control energy policy, the current energy crisis is a problem made in Westminster. Scotland does not have an energy crisis, it has a Conservative government crisis.
But truth has never been much of a concern to Liz Truss, who claimed during her speech - do we still have to call this a speech? - that she is the first Prime Minister to have attended a comprehensive school. That will come as news to Gordon Brown and to Theresa May, both of whom were educated at state comprehensives.
The highlight of what we are supposed to be calling a speech was when two protesters from Greenpeace stood up and displayed a banner reading “Who voted for this?”. The banner was immediately wheeched away by Conservative delegates, only for the protesters to immediately bring out another banner. And in that simple act, they displayed considerably more foresight than Truss and her Chancellor did when they announced their mini-budget.
The tragic thing about this wooden performance was that Truss really believes that she nailed it. "It was an absolutely barnstorming performance." "outstanding speech" “fantastic reception" and the speech delivered a "very clear message" to the plotters. No, those are not quotes from Conservative delegates at this week's conference, although they very well could be. They are in fact quotes from Conservative Party members reacting to Iain Duncan Smith's speech to the party conference in 2003 shortly before he was ousted as party leader and replaced by the equally hapless Michael Howard.
Meanwhile, the Conservatives are descending into open warfare. Kemi Badenoch attacking Suella Braverman attacking Michael Gove who is criticising Truss, who is blaming Kwasi Kwarteng.
It is highly likely that Liz Truss's first leadership speech to the Conservative Party conference will also prove to be her last. Of course, the party will make a show of rallying behind its new leader at its conference, but nervous Tory MPs will not fail to have noticed an opinion poll out today which shows that Truss is already less popular than Theresa May or Boris Johnson at their worst polling figures and even worse puts them catastrophically behind Labour in those crucial 'Red Wall' seats which were essential to the Conservative victory in 2019. Liz Truss thinks people have underestimated her. And this would be true. She's even worse than we thought.
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