Seven items cheaper - and better - than the new Tory membership fee

THE Tories have upped their membership fees just in time for Christmas.

Rising from £25 to £39, the party has increased the price by 56%, several times the current rate of inflation (9.6%).

With it getting harder and harder for families to pay the bills up and down the country, it’s comforting to know that the Conservative Party will be squeezing every last drop out of its members to keep the lights on.

With that in mind, here’s a list of things that 39 of your hard-earned pounds can buy that would be of better use than a Tory membership.

'Douglas Ross First Minister' door sign

Here’s a door sign letting you know you’re at the wrong house. For the humble sum of £12.99 you can have a slate sign with the words “Douglas Ross: First Minister” on it.

A sign that you, or your country, has taken a wrong turn (Image: Newsquest)

Even this would be of more practical use than a Tory membership.

Jacob Rees-Mogg wall calendar

In case you wake up wondering if you’ve travelled back in time to the Victorian era, here’s a 2023 calendar with a picture of former business secretary Jacob Rees-Mogg to remind you that you’re living in the 21st century. It will only cost you £13.95.

The man to remind you which era you're living in (Image: PA Wire/PA Images)

In fairness, unlike most of the other entries on this list, this item actually serves a practical purpose.

A potato with a face on it

For the princely sum of £11.99 you can send a potato with your face on it and a personalised message on it to a loved one. If you really want to show them you care, you can add rose petals for an extra 99p.

Better yet, for the same price as the Tory membership fee, you can afford to send a face potato, complete with rose petals, to three separate people in your life (loved or otherwise).

READ MORE: Tory trade minister Andrew Bowie called out for 'car crash' Brexit interview

The Royal Family DVD box set

No, not beloved BBC sitcom The Royle Family. This is a 10-part DVD box set which, presumably, shows off the best moments the monarchy has enjoyed over a specific period of time.

We can only imagine that these are the kinds of memories the box set refers to (Image: Rowley's)

It’s described as new and sealed on eBay and available for £26.99 plus £2.69 postage. Available while stocks last.

‘Jesus Take The Wheel’ bumper sticker

Stress levels can rise in the run-up to Christmas. Sometimes you need a helping hand when things get a little tough. If you plan on letting Jesus take the wheel then it’s a good idea to let the driver immediately behind you know.

With that in mind, here’s a Jesus Take The Wheel bumper sticker, costing a mere £3.76.

The entire script from the film Shrek

Unlike the Tory party, everybody loves Shrek. Here’s a poster of the original film’s entire script - not that you’ll be able to read it with any great ease.

Everybody loves Shrek

At £5.99, we strongly recommend this over a Conservative membership if you’re in need of some retail therapy.

A guide to mullet maintenance

The hardback edition of A Geezer’s Guide to Mullet Maintenance and Combover Care by Chris Martin will set you back £4.83.

You might not have a mullet. You might not have hair on your head. You still need this in your life more than you need a membership to the Tory party.